~ Beyond Divorce Resources ~

Agency Resources (below)

Complied by:
Sue Dryer, MLIS
Ministry Resource Co-ordinator
University Presbyterian Church

All books listed below can be found in the University Presbyterian Church library, first floor.  Church membership is not required to check out books or tapes.  The call number for each book is listed on the left and are grouped accordingly:

Psychology and Philosophy
Religion
Social Sciences
Family Living
Children's Books

152.4 AUG Augsburger, David. Caring Enough to Confront. Augsburger is professor of pastoral care at the Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminaries. “Speaking the truth in love – or ‘truthing it in love,’ as Paul originally phrased it – sums up the Christlike response to conflict. Also, Caring Enough to Forgive.

152.4 RUB Rubin, Theodore. The Angry Book.

155.2 ARO Aron, Elaine. The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You.

155.3 HAR Hart, Archibald D. The Sexual Man: Masculinity Without Guilt. Based on nationwide research, this report refutes the current myths surrounding male sexuality and offers a sane view of what it means to be male, sexual and normal. By the same author: Secrets of Eve: Understanding the Mystery of Female Sexuality; Helping Children Survive Divorce; The Anxiety Cure, and Dark Clouds Silver Lining: (Depression can be a healing emotion when you learn how to cooperate with it.) Dr. Hart is the dean of the Graduate School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California.

155.4 JEW Jewett, Claudia. Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss.

155.9 WHI Whiteman, Thomas and Randy Petersen. Starting Over.

158.1 BUT Butterworth, Bill. When Life Doesn’t Turn Out Like You Planned.

158.1 HAN Hansel, Tim. Through the Wilderness of Loneliness.

158.1 LAR Larson, Bruce. No Longer Strangers. Bruce Larson is a former pastor of University Presbyterian Church, and his book talks about loneliness, which he regards as the number one problem of the human race.

158.1 CLO Cloud, Henry and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life. Explaining how boundaries are developed and how they can be injured while growing up, the authors illustrate boundary conflicts in relationships with family, friends, co-workers, yourself, and God. 1992 By the same author: Changes That Heal: How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future.

158.1 DON Donnelly, Doris. Learning to Forgive. Comments by Douglas Steere, author and translator of Soren Kierkegaard’s books, “Doris Donnelly with a surgeon’s skill probes the hidden nodes of forgiveness in this fine book and does it with such telling illustrations that her readers will be both pierced and moved by her insights.”

158.1 PEC Peck, M. Scott. The Road Less Traveled, 25^th Anniversary Edition. This book proved a smash when it debuted in 1978, selling several million copies. This 25th-anniversary edition includes a new introduction in which the publisher claims the author "explains the ideas that shaped this book and continue to influence an expanding audience of readers." Perhaps no book has had a more profound impact on intellectual and spiritual lives than "The Road Less Traveled." In his new Introduction, Dr. Peck recalls how this book evolved from his own early ideas as a therapist who was just beginning his own spiritual growth.

158.1 PEC Peck, M. Scott. Further Along the Road Less Traveled.   Growing up painfully, consciousness and the problem of pain -- Self-love versus self-esteem -- Blame and forgiveness -- The taste for mystery --Togetherness and separateness in marriage and the family -- Going to Omaha--the issue of death and meaning.

158.2 ART Arterburn, Stephen F. and David A. Stoop. When Someone You Love is Someone You Hate.  This discerning book is designed to help people resolve anger, bitterness, and disappointment by instilling a new understanding of the power of forgiveness. Providing many spiritual and emotional insights, the authors demonstrate that there is a way to resolve contradictory emotions and to be free from the pain that accompanies the love-hate conflict.

158.2 BER Berry, Carmen Renee and Mark W. Baker. Who’s To Blame? Escape the Victim Trap & Gain Power in Your Relationships. Giving readers the handle they need on the dynamics of victimization, blame and healing, this book enable them to see beyond the guilt, anger, fear, or grief to the sense of powerlessness victims feel. And they'll be given tools to set appropriate boundaries for their relationships with victims. Also, When Helping You is Hurting Me, Escaping the Messiah Trap, recommended by Rev. Michael Rogers of the Samaritan Counseling Service in his class on Family of Origin. Can there be a hidden trap in a “ happy” childhood? How Mesiahs are trapped through childhood trauma – What are the 8 Messiah characteristics?

158.2 CRA Crabb, Larry. Connecting. Crabb helps the reader discover new strength and healing through connected relationships in Jesus Christ.

158.2 DIE Diehm, William J. Criticizing: How to Overcome Self Criticism, Help Others without Hurting Them, Learn from your Critics, and Deal with Gossip and Slander. Diehm, Baptist minister and psychologist, notes that the number one problem of his clients is their inability to cope with criticism.” He helps people deal with critical comments and talk to others about difficult topics by combining Christian love and biblical principles.

158.2 EVA Evans, Patricia. Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery. In her new book, Patricia Evans outlines new healing strategies based on hundreds of real-life letters and interviews. She offers verbal abuse victims advice on finding shelters and support groups after making the choice to terminate a relationship with an abuser.

158.2 HUN Hunter, Brenda. In the Company of Women: Deepening our Relationships with Important Women in our LivesÖMothers, Daughters, Sisters, Friends & Mentors.

158.2 JOY Joy, Donald M. Rebonding: Preventing and Restoring Damaged Relationships. The book may provide a painful and disturbing revelation – a sensitive and insightful disclosure of deeply hidden dynamics of brokenness. However, the book opens doors into the recover of wholeness—from the foreword by Dr. M. Robert Mulholland, Jr.

158.2 McM McMinn, Gordon with Larry Libby. Choosing to be Close: Fill Your Life with Rewarding Relationships. What are the keys to establishing and maintaining deeper relationships?

158.2 PAR Parrott, Les. The Control Freak: Coping with Those Around You. Taming the One Within. Dr. Les Parrott is founder and co-director of the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University.

158.2 SCH Schaef, Anne Wilson. Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the ‘Love’ Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships. This is must reading for anyone seeking to live more harmoniously with the spiritual truth of love—Jordan Paul, PH.D., author of Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?

226.4 LOT Lotz, Anne Graham. My Heart’s Cry. The author of the best selling Just Give Me Jesus delivers a powerful message on our longing to know Jesus more intimately, based on the Savior's last days with his disciples as recorded in the Gospel of John.

231.8 BOY Boyd, Gregory A. Is God to Blame Summary: Moves beyond pat answers to the problem of suffering and takes a deeper look at hard to reconcile issues. Contents: The lie and the truth -- Evil and the blueprint -- Freedom and risk -- Complexity and war -- Omnipotence and two variables -- Prayer and ambiguity -- Life and hope -- Mercy and hardening -- Providence and control.

234.5 KET Ketterman, Grace and David Hazard. When You Can’t Say “I forgive You”: Breaking the Bonds of Anger and Hurt. By a reviewer on Amazon: This book is excellent for a guide to letting go of hurt and anger and being able to live a meaningful life. David and Grace make a great writing team as they combine experience, Christianity and skill into making the process of forgiveness logical and simple. The many examples they used made it a page-turner for me. I definitely recommend this for it's readability, scholarship, and practicality.

234.5 MIL Miller, Wendell E. Forgiveness: The Power and the Puzzles. By a reviewer from Amazon: Miller shows how unforgiveness poisons relationships, thwarts us in God's work, and generally causes all sorts of havoc for the Christian and in the church. Once the consequences of unforgiveness are clearly understood, Miller explores the various aspects and types of forgiveness and how and when to forgive. The book is at once doctrinally deep, yet very practical and applied.

234.5 SME Smedes, Lewis. Forgive: Healing the Hurts we Don’t Deserve. By the same author, The Art of Forgiving: When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know How.

241.63 DUT Duty, Guy. Divorce and Remarriage.
- Compassionate, Yet Biblical. Few issues have produces as much confusion among God's people as that of divorce and remarriage. In this thorough analysis of the words of Scripture relevant to the subject, Guy Duty makes tremendous strides toward dispelling this confusion.
- The author displays a compassionate concern for those who, because of the stigma in many of our churches regarding divorce and remarriage, are treated as "second-class Christians." In so doing—and herein lies the uniqueness of his approach—he in no way compromises the words of Scripture or goes beyond what they declare.
- With the conviction that God is not the author of confusion or of injustice, Duty boldly faces the crucial questions: Is dissolution of marriage apart from death possible? And if so, is remarriage ever valid in God's sight?
- The author make abundant use of his knowledge of Greek and studies of the social settings of the Old and New Testaments, and each conclusion is tested by the application of the accepted rules of biblical interpretation.

241.63 INS Instone-Brewer, David.  Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context.   To many, the New Testament’s teaching on divorce and remarriage seems to be both impractical and unfair. The “plain” meaning of the texts allows for divorce only in cases of adultery or desertion, and it does not permit remarriage until the death of one's former spouse. Are these proscriptions the final word for Christians today? Through a careful study of the Old Testament, the author constructs a biblical view of divorce and remarriage that is wider in scope than present-day readings.

242 MEB Meberg, Marilyn.  I’d Rather be Laughing.

242.1 SMO Smoke, Jim.  Moving Forward: Finding Hope and Peace in the Midst of Divorce.   Jim Smoke is an internationally known speaker and author of twelve books, including the best seller, Growing Through Divorce, which has sold over 550,000 copies. He founded the Center for Divorce Recovery in Tempe, Arizona. He currently serves as Pastor of Adult ministries at Grace Church in Cypress, California and as adjunct professor at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena. Moving Forward consists of day-by-day devotions that explore—from a positive and compassionate point of view—the issues confronting those going through divorce: loneliness, insecurity and anxiety.

248 TOU Tournier, Paul.  Escape from Loneliness. The author practiced medicine in Geneva as a physician who acquired psychiatric training and experience because he learned that many of his patients needed help going deeper than drugs or surgery.

248.4 HAN Hansel, Tim.   You Gotta Keep Dancin’. The author has lived with continual physical pain as a result of a climbing mishap, and knows life can be tough. The freeing message of this book is that no matter what your circumstances, you can choose to be joyful. By the same author: Through the Wilderness of Loneliness: When Lonely Feelings Threaten to Settle In, Convert Them into the Joy of Solitude with God.

248.4 SHA Shaw, Luci.  Water My Soul: Cultivating the Interior Life. The author/poet lives in Bellingham, Washington.

248.4 SMO Smoke, Jim. Growing in Remarriage: Seven Keys to a Successful Second Marriage. Author is the director of the Center for Divorce Recovery in Tempe, Arizona. He also wrote Growing Through Divorce.

248.4 SMA Smalley, Gary.  Making Love Last Forever. Love’s best kept secret, love’s number one enemy, love’s Cliff Notes for men. Gary Smalley is an internationally recognized speaker on family relationships. He has presented his, “Love is a Decision” seminars across the country.

248.4 WAR Warren, Neil Clark. The Triumphant Marriage: 100 Extremely Successful Couples Reveal Their Secrets. Neil Clark Warren, PH.D. is a practicing clinical psychologist in Pasadena. He received his BA from Pepperdine University, M.Div from Princeton Theological Seminary, and Ph.D. from the University of Chicago. He is the former dean of the Fuller Graduate School of Psychology. The author of the best-seller, Finding the Love of Your Life and Make Anger Your Ally, Dr. Warren has been featured on shows like Oprah.

248.4 WRI Wright, H. Norman. How to Encourage the Man in your Life.

248.8 GIR Gire, Ken. Weathering Grace of God: The Beauty God Brings from Life’s Upheavals. Focusing on the upheavals in life such as divorce, Gire uses illustrations from the life of David, from his own life, and the lives of others to give a sense of dignity and hope for what God is doing in their lives. Contents: The terrifying upheavals of life; the weathering grace of God, the continuing landscape of faith.

248.8 JER Jeremiah, David. A Bend in the Road: Experiencing God When Your World Caves In. Pastor and teacher David Jeremiah shares the comfort and hope of the Psalms and how these truths can guide believers through life's greatest challenges. He includes inspiring real-life stories of people who have struggled with terminal illness, loss of a child, and imprisonment of a spouse. He interweaves his own journal entries, revealing his battle with cancer and how the Psalms helped to sustain him during the fight of his life.

248.8 KOO Koons, Carolyn and Michael Anthony. Single Adult Passages. Baptist Standard, “The overall impact of this candid, sensitively written book is extremely positive. It’s an excellent resource that provides guidance for those who are navigating the passages of singlenessÖ”

248.8 LUT Lutzer, Erwin W. Putting Your Past Behind You. A Bible based guide to being forgiven, forgiving yourself, and forgiving others This is a study, directly from God's Word, on dealing with the pain you have because of what you've done to yourself and others or what someone else has done to you.

248.8 SWE Sweet, Leonard. The Jesus Prescription for a Healthy Life. “If you feel stressed out, broken down, or beaten up, do yourself a favor and read The Jesus Prescription for a Healthy Life. Then you will understand the full meaning of Jesus’ words, ‘Come into meÖand I will give you rest.’” Rick Warren of The Purpose Driven Life.

248.8 WRI Wright, H. Norman. Recovering from the Losses of Life. Our lives are marked by a variety of losses. Some are life-changing -- leaving home, the death of a loved one, divorce, retirement. Others are more subtle, such as changing jobs, moving, illness, a broken, friendship. No matter what kind of loss you encounter, this book can help you find hope. Writing from his experience, Wright covers such issues as: the meaning of grief. learning to express and share grief. ungrieved losses. the loss of identity. helping others with their losses. Provocative study questions are included for each chapter, making Recovering from the Losses of Life the perfect tool for group discussion or personal reflection. Book jacket.

248.8 YAN Yancy, Philip. When Life Hurts: Understanding God’s Place in your Pain. Philip Yancy has served as editor with “Christianity Today” and “Campus Life” magazines. He is the author of ten Gold Medallion winners, including: The Jesus I Never Knew, What’s So Amazing About Grace?, Where is God When it Hurts/ Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, In His Image.

248.842 EIS Eisman, Tom L. Temptations Men Face: Straightforward talk on Power, Money, Affairs, Perfectionism, Insensitivity.

248.844 CAR Carder, Dave. Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs.

248.86 HER Hershey, Terry. Beginning Again: Life After a Relationship Ends. Educated at Taylor University and Fuller Theological Seminary, Hershey communicates the message of God’s forgiveness to help single adults and people with broken relationships to enjoy full lives.

248.86 SMO Smoke, Jim. Single Again and Secure in God’s Love.   When a marriage that began with optimism and hope fails, it is almost certain that someone will be left feeling hurt and unloved. But the central message of Single Again and Secure in God's Love is that God loves divorced people! Drawing from a well of over twenty-five years of helping thousands of men and women through the rapids of divorce, Jim Smoke shares insight and encouragement on subjects such as:" DivorceÖGod Provides", "But I Don't Want to Let Go!", "I Need All the Friends I Can Get!" and others. Other titles by Smoke: Growing Through Divorce, 1995; Moving Forward: A Devotional Guide for Finding Hope and Peace in the Midst of Divorce;  Single Again, the Uncertain Journey.

248.86 STA Stanley, Charles. The Blessings of Brokenness: Why God Allows Us to go through Hard Times. According to Dr. Charles Stanley, brokenness is the path to blessing. He says, "One thing I have discovered is that brokenness brings some of God's greatest blessings and periods of time when our lives are the most fruitful". Brokenness is God's way of dealing with our self-life, our desire for independence, and for control of our own life. Stanley says that God breaks us for two reasons: to help become spiritually mature and to prepare us for ministry. And when we allow God to have his way and embrace our brokenness, we discover a new sense of freedom and power. The Blessings of Brokenness helps those who are hurting make sense of why God allows us to be broken.

248.86 ZAC Zacharias, Ravi. Cries of the Heart: Bringing God Near when He Feels So Far. Explores the inner feeling of futility that is so prevalent in our culture and points the way to meaning in coming to truly know God.

261.8 STO Stott, John. Our Social and Sexual Revolution. Stott provides an evangelical, compassionate, and international perspective on controversial issues of our society.

261.8 STR Strobel, Leslie. Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage.   Lee Strobel, whose bestselling The Case for Christ has become a standard work of evangelical apologia, was once not a Christian at all, and was openly hostile to the faith. When his wife, Leslie, became a Christian several years into their marriage, he was furious, and their union seemed doomed until "Leslie figured out how to live out her faith in a way that began to attract rather than repel [him]." In Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage, the Strobels describe their experiences in order to help other Christians particularly women who are married to nonbelievers. Although their own ending (culminating in his conversion) followed the Christian storybook, they caution readers that it is better to concentrate on one's own spiritual growth and example than to have unrealistic expectations about a spouse's future conversion.

261.835 SME      Sex for Christians.   Considered one of the definitive statements on sex and sexuality from a Christian perspective, Sex for Christians offers frank yet compassionate discussion that is at once refreshingly open-minded and strongly biblical. This edition adds discussions of AIDS and talk of "safe sex", cohabitation, homosexuality, and the need to develop Christian strategies regarding sex.

306.7 BAL Balswick, Judith and Jack O. Balswick. Authentic Human Sexuality: An Integrated Christian Approach. Judith K. Balswick is director of clinical training and assistant professor of marital and family therapy at Fuller Theological Seminary, where Jack O. Balswick is professor of sociology and family development.

306.7 HAR Harris, Joshua. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. The author of this #1 best seller shares his belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing.

306.73 GLA Glass, Shirley P. Not “Just Friends” Rebuilding Trust and Recovering your Sanity after Infidelity.

306.8 GOT Gottman, John. Why Marriages Suceed or Fail. Gottman is a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington and runs the Love Lab. From 20 years of observing couples he has learned that more sex doesn’t necessarily improve a marriage; frequent arguing will not lead to divorce; financial problems do not always spell trouble in a relationship; wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years; and there’s a reason husbands withdraw from arguments—and there’s a way around it.

306.84 PAR Parrot, Les. Saving Your Second Marriage Before it Begins.

306.87 RIC Richardson, Ronald W. Family Ties That Bind. Recommended by Rev. Michael Rogers.

306.874 WHI Whiteman, Thomas A. Your Kids and Divorce. Addresses the practical issues like breaking the news, understanding short and long-term reactions, custody and visitation, loving discipline, effective single parenting, and parent’s dating and remarriage.

306.874 WAL   Wallerstein, Judith S. and Sandra Blakeslee. What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce. From Booklist:
Wallerstein, author of The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (2000), and Blakeslee, a science writer, draw on more than 30 years of research to provide advice and assistance to parents who are either facing divorce or coping with its aftermath. First they define the major challenges: getting the parent's life under control, preparing children for the breakup, and creating new relationships with the ex-partner. They emphasize that divorce is not a single event but a process with many stages. The book is organized around the steps of a divorce and its aftermath: the immediate breakup of the family, when reactions are at their rawest and most emotional; the first few years, when the new family routine is being established; a period of assessment 5 or 10 years after the breakup; the reconstituted family after remarriage; and communicating with children in young adulthood to help them develop and sustain strong relationships. The authors offer advice that runs the gamut, from answering questions children ask about divorce to choosing the best custody arrangement. This is a very valuable resource for families at any stage of breakup

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce For the first time, using a comparison group of adults who grew up in the same communities, Wallerstein shows how adult children of divorce essentially view life differently from their peers raised in intact homes where parents also confronted marital difficulties but decided on balance to stay together. In this way she sheds light on the question so many parents confront -- whether to stay unhappily married or to divorce.

The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce should be essential reading for all adult children of divorce, their lovers, their partners, divorced parents or those considering divorce, judges, attorneys, and mental health professionals. Challenging some of our most cherished beliefs, this is a book that will forever alter how we think about divorce and its long-term impact on American society.

306.89 AHR  Ahrons, Constance. Divorced Families.   In this book divorce and separation are seen as a normative process rather than evidence of pathology or dysfunction. The shift from considering divorce as deviant to considering divorce as a process of reorganization lifts the implicit condemnation which is often made of couples who separate.

306.89 AHR    Ahrons, Constance. We’re Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About Their Parents’ Divorce. (2004)
From Publishers Weekly
In 1979, sociologist Ahrons randomly selected 98 pairs of divorced parents in Wisconsin for a five-year study. As she reported in 1994's The Good Divorce, while everyone handles the divorce process differently, "divorce doesn't destroy families," even if it rearranges and expands them to embrace new members. This reassuring viewpoint has been attacked by researchers like Judith Wallerstein, who argue that divorce's damage may not appear for a decade or more, when ACODs (adult children of divorce) struggle unsuccessfully to bond with partners. In response, Ahrons went back to her original research panel to learn how their children fared. Her team managed to interview an astounding 90% of the original cohort's children. Approximately three-fourths of these 173 "children" (now 30-somethings) thought their parents' divorces were a good idea, and that parents and children were better off than if they'd stayed together. Their comments on what made a difference to them when their parents were divorcing are instructive. Kids are very tuned into-and upset by-parental warfare, so "how parents relate to each other" is key. Parents battle over joint custody schedules, oblivious to how stressful the transitioning between parents can be. Ahrons reminds parents it's not the quantity of time they spend with their child, but the quality of relationship they establish: reliability, consistency and genuine interest in their lives are what matter most to children. More prescriptive than descriptive, Ahrons's supportive guidebook should aid anyone trying to make a "good divorce" better. Also wrote The Good Divorce.

306.89 CHA Chandler, Marjorie Lee. After Your Child Divorces.  Ruth Bell Graham says, "Because divorce has invaded more and more Christian homes in recent years, this book should be a great help to those whose lives have been affected by this sad situation. I believe each one reading this book will find encouragement along with a lot of good, practical advice." Based on actual family situations and interviews with parents around the country, After Your Child Divorces offers help in dealing with the frustrations and trauma of an adult child's separation or divorce. Topics include having an adult child back in the house, helping young grandchildren, dealing with acute financial need, and helping adult children rebuild their lives.

306.89 CHA Chapman, Gary. Hope for the Separated: Wounded Marriages Can be Healed. Even when love is lost and hope is gone, God's Word still has the power to heal. Hope for the Separated explains why the biblical ideal for a separated couple is reconciliation. It reveals how to draw on the power of God's Word to heal broken relationships.

306.89 DUN Duncan, Jennie. Helping Children Cope with Divorce.

306.89 EXP Grollman, Earl A., ed. Explaining Divorce to Children.  Nine experts on divorce from the fields of sociology, psychiatry, law, child study and the three major religions examine children’s fears, their reactions to tensions and unhappiness, and their undermined sense of security.

306.89 HAR Hart, Archibald D. Helping Children Survive Divorce: What to Expect; How to Help.   Dr. Archibald Hart is a professor of psychology and former dean of the Graduate School of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. This books includes minimizing damage to your child, common mistakes made by divorced parents, how to handle guilt, essential steps to help your child cope with depression and anger, and four issues that must be dealt with when you remarry.

306.89 LAN Lansky, Vicky. Divorce Book for Parents.   (We have 1989; check back for 2003).   Basing her approach on the belief that children are affected less by divorce itself than by the way a family is restructured and the way feelings are handled afterward, Lansky--herself a divorced mother and the author of Feed Me! I'm Yours (Meadowbrook, 1986. rev. ed.) and other books--presents a highly practical and optimistic guide for divorced and divorcing parents. Among the many problem areas she covers, all from the perspective of doing what is best for the child, are breaking the news, the danger of continuing conflict, deciding when professional help is needed, organizing--and surviving--departure, dealing with the ex-spouse, and long-term adjustment. "You might think I'm painting a rather rosy picture in this book and that the real world doesn't work like this," she admits. "But it can. " Highly recommended for all public library collections.
- Marcia G. Fuchs, Guilford Free Lib., Ct.

306.9 BUR Burns, Bob. Adult Child of Divorce.  This handbook maps out a complete recovery process aimed to help adult children of divorced families learn to build solid and secure families of their own.

616.08 TOU Tournier, Paul.  The Healing of Persons.

616.8 HEM Hemfelt, Robert.  Kids Who Carry Our Pain.

616.85 LLO Lloyd-Jones. D. Martyn.  Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and its Cures.  Twenty-one sermons by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, each originally delivered at Westminster Chapel in London, carefully and compassionately analyzes an undeniable feature of modern society from which Christians have not escaped—spiritual depression.

616.85 MED Medina, John.  Depression: How it Happens; How it’s Healed. John Medina is a molecular biologist at the University of Washington School of Medicine. His book has many illustrations to help the lay person understand how chemical changes in the brain contribute to feelings of exhaustion and despair; how antidepressants work; and how to make psychotherapy part of the healing process.

646.7 PAR Parrot, Drs. Les and Leslie.  Relationships: How to Make Bad Relationships Better and Good Relationships Great. Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are co-directors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University, a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of a good relationship. Les Parrott is a professor of clinical psychology, and Leslie is a marriage and family therapist, both at SPU. Their relationship work has been featured in USA Today and the New York Times as well as on CNN, Good Morning America, and Opra.

646.78 DOB  Dobson, James.  Love Must Be Tough. (2004)   At the core of most marital conflicts lies an overlooked but vicious culprit: disrespect. According to Dr. James Dobson, this symptom is the most serious indicator of potential family breakup. In his groundbreaking classic that popularized the tough love principle, Dr. Dobson offers practical help for the spouse who wants to hold the marriage together. He shows how to rekindle romantic interest and draw the offending partner back home. For new generations faced with ever-increasing threats to stable and loving bonds, Love Must Be Tough offers realistic hope.

646.78 PAU Paul, Jordan. Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved by You? Featuring exercises for couples to explore core beliefs and values, this newly updated bestseller is for men and women interested in creating free, joyful, and profoundly intimate relationships.

649.1 CLI Cline, Foster and Jim Fay. Parenting with Love and Logic.   Psychiatrist Cline and educator Fay's "Love and Logic" parenting method advocates raising responsible children through practice. "Helicopter" parents hover around their children while "drill sergeant" parents give orders to theirs, they claim. Neither of these styles permits children to learn how to make choices and learn from the consequences. The result is that as early as adolescence these children too often make bad decisions. In the context of a healthy, loving relationship, "Love and Logic" parents teach their children responsibility and the logic of life by solving their own problems, providing skills for coping in the real world. After laying out the principles of "Love and Logic," the authors provide "parenting pearls," which are strategies for applying the method to actual situations such as back-seat battles in the car, homework, and keeping bedrooms clean. A short chapter on divorce and visitation.

694.64 BER Berry, Richard L. Angry Kids: Understanding and Managing the Emotions that Control Them. .   During the past several years, violence by children has dominated the media, exposing this issue as one of the new epidemics of our society. The slaughter of children by children at Littleton-and the backlash of similar incidents-have opened our eyes to the severity of this problem. But what is the cause of all this anger in kids?
In Angry Kids, Richard Berry draws from his experience as a marriage and family therapist to provide some answers about angry kids to parents, teachers, youth workers, counselors, and school social workers. His biblical perspective challenges parents and children to be accountable for their actions while working out solutions.
Well-written, timely, and practical, Angry Kids exposes three root causes of anger in children of all ages. It also explains how parents can inadvertently contribute to that rage, how they can help their children discover the real feelings behind their anger, and how to then teach them techniques for expressing and defusing that anger. Charts, specific examples, and practical application further clarify how to stop the spreading epidemic of angry kids.

J 248.8 JON      Jones, Tony. Pray.  At school, before you eat, while you drive, in the locker room, at home, eyes open, eyes shut, before the SAT, over the bridge, through the woods, feeding the dog, on the deck, walking to chemistry classÖ..Pray.

J 306.89 GRO       Grollman, Earl A. Talking About Divorce.  Includes an illustrated children’s read-along section.

J 306.89 MON      Monroe, Robin Prince. Why Don’t We Live Together Anymore.

J 306.8 LAN     Lansky, Vicki. It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear.

J 306.8 PHI    Phillips, Carolyn E. Our Family Got a Stepparent.

J 306.89 BRO      Brown, Laurene Krasny Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families.  Dinosaurs Divorce will help you understand: divorce words and what they mean; why parents divorce; what about you; after the divorce; living with one parent; visiting your parent; having two homes; celebrating holidays and special occasions; telling your friends, meeting parents’ new friends; living with stepparents; and having stepsisters and step brothers. Award-winning book from 1986.

Beyond Divorce Books from UPC Library for Children, reviewed by Pam Nagel.

E FIC MAS Masurel, Claire. Two Homes.  For ages 3-6. This was especially good to stimulate conversation with the young children. It takes a positive look at having two of something as they move from house to house.

E FIC RAN Ransom, Jeanie Franz. I Don’t Want to Talk About It.   For ages 6-10 years. Simple but effective text and a great way for children to relate their feelings. Good for use in discussion and could even be used to stimulate role playing. The title pulls them in also as many children don’t want to “talk about it”.

E FIC BOE Boelts, Maribeth. With My Mom, With My Dad.  Ages 7-11 year olds. This is a wonderfully written story about a boy visiting both houses. It’s up to date, includes a relationship with God and shows a healthy relationship between the parents. Well written & great pictures.

J 248 MUN Munger, Robert Boyd with Carolyn Nystrom. My Heart-Christ’s HomE.  Ages 7-12 best. This is a longer story but a good one to share with the children about inviting Jesus into your life. It’s a very well told story and leads to good discussion.

J 306.89 PRO Prokop, Michael S.Kid’s Divorce Workbook:  A Practical Guide that Helps Kids Understand Divorce Happens to the Nicest Kid.s.   This is a resource for developing lessons. There were some ideas that could be used by volunteers to lead discussions or create lessons.

J 306.89 SAN Sanford, Doris. Please Come Home.  Ages 6-9 or 10. A story about a little girl who is angry about divorce. Has a bit of a negative twist towards dad, so may want to make a few changes as you read. It is good in the sense that the girl talks about feelings, confides in her teddy bear and grows from the experience.

J 306.89 TAN Tangvald, Christine Harder. Mom and Dad Don’t Live Together Anymore.  Directs the child to God; addresses the questions a child has; provides helpful, personalized activities; includes suggestions for parents.

YA 306.89 GOR Gordon, Jeenie. If My Parents Are Getting Divorced, Why Am I the One Who Hurts?

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